Alcoholism is a chronic disease that affects not only the person who drinks, but also the people around them. It can cause physical, emotional, and financial problems, and strain the bonds of trust and intimacy. If you are in a relationship with someone who struggles with alcoholism, you may feel frustrated, angry, hurt, or hopeless. You may wonder if you can help them, or if you should leave them. You may also blame yourself for their drinking, or feel guilty for not being able to fix them.
There is no easy answer to these questions, but there are some steps you can take to navigate the impact of alcoholism on your relationship. Here are some tips to help you cope and support your partner, while also taking care of yourself.
- Educate yourself about alcoholism. Alcoholism is a complex and progressive disease that affects the brain and the body. It is not a choice, a weakness, or a moral failing. It is not something that can be cured by willpower or love alone. Learning more about the causes, effects, and treatment options for alcoholism can help you understand your partner’s behavior and challenges, and reduce your own stress and resentment.
- Seek professional help. Alcoholism is a serious condition that requires professional intervention. You cannot make your partner stop drinking, nor can you control their recovery. The best thing you can do is to encourage them to seek help from a qualified therapist, counselor, or doctor. You can also offer to join them in couples therapy or family therapy, where you can work on improving your communication, trust, and conflict resolution skills. Additionally, you can seek help for yourself from a therapist or a support group, where you can share your feelings, learn coping strategies, and get emotional support from others who understand what you are going through.
- Set healthy boundaries. Being in a relationship with an alcoholic can be chaotic and unpredictable. You may find yourself constantly worrying about your partner’s safety, health, and behavior. You may also feel responsible for their actions, or try to cover up their mistakes. This can lead to codependency, where you lose sight of your own needs and identity. To avoid this trap, you need to set healthy boundaries that protect your well-being and dignity. For example, you can decide what behaviors you will and will not tolerate from your partner, and what consequences you will enforce if they cross the line. You can also decide how much time, money, and energy you are willing to spend on helping your partner, and how much you need to save for yourself.
- Practice self-care. Living with an alcoholic can be stressful and exhausting. You may neglect your own physical, mental, and emotional health in the process of trying to help your partner. However, this can backfire and make you more vulnerable to burnout, depression, anxiety, or illness. To prevent this from happening, you need to practice self-care on a regular basis. This means taking time for yourself to do things that make you happy, relaxed, and fulfilled. For example, you can exercise, meditate, read, listen to music, or pursue a hobby. You can also reach out to your friends and family for social support and fun.
- Be realistic and hopeful. Alcoholism is a chronic disease that has no cure. It can only be managed by lifelong abstinence and recovery work. This means that your partner may relapse at some point, or struggle with sobriety for a long time. You need to be realistic about the challenges and risks involved in staying in a relationship with an alcoholic. You also need to be honest with yourself about what you want and need from the relationship, and whether you are willing to accept the situation as it is. At the same time, you need to be hopeful that your partner can change and improve their life with the right help and motivation. You need to recognize their efforts and achievements, no matter how small or slow they may seem. You also need to remember that there are many success stories of people who have overcome alcoholism and rebuilt their relationships.
There are some tips that may help you support your loved one who is dealing with alcohol addiction. Here are some of them:
- Educate yourself about alcoholism. Learn about the causes, effects, signs and treatments of alcoholism. This will help you understand what your loved one is going through and how you can help them.
- Express your concern and offer your help. Let your loved one know that you care about them and that you are worried about their drinking. Be honest, respectful and compassionate. Avoid blaming, criticizing or judging them. Offer your help and encourage them to seek professional help if they are ready.
Set boundaries and protect yourself. Helping someone with alcoholism can be stressful and exhausting. You need to take care of yourself and your own needs as well. Set clear and realistic boundaries with your loved one about what you are willing and able to do for them. Do not enable their drinking or cover up for their consequences. Seek support from others who understand what you are going through, such as family, friends or support groups.
